The Fault in his Stars
by catlover1177
Summary: Isaac's feelings for Augustus are undeniable, but he already has enough pain in his life. Besides, Gus has given his heart to another. "The fault, my dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. WARNING: This is a one-sided m/m story, don't like don't read. It's rated T for a reason, people. ON HIATUS
1. Pain

**Hey luvs! I made this story because I saw that picture of the Augustus and Isaac actors making a parody of the movie poster and I just thought, I SHIP IT. So yeah. Enjoy!**

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He wasn't proud of his feelings.

In fact, Isaac wanted nothing more than to be rid of them. He knew they would cause him more pain, and that was something he really didn't need. He was already half blind. Still, there was no use denying it to himself. But the others... the others could not know. Isaac imagined the pained, horrified, and disgusted looks he would get from his friends and family. So it was in the best interest that he keep it to himself. God knows he already caused enough hardship.

He had first known that Augustus was bisexual in the 9th grade, when, scared and confused, he came to Isaac seeking help. Of course, this had only revealed Isaac's own suppressed feelings, except his story was a bit different. Monica was a cover, and when they broke up, he had gone to Gus's house bawling his eyes out. Sure, his feelings for her might not have been the romantic sort, but he was consumed with guilt. Guilty of leading her on, and fooling everyone who knew him. But he hung on the slight hope that he could one day be truthful in the open about himself. He had come really close to doing it once, but life is a little bitch and really doesn't like to hear your plans.

After Caroline Mathers had died, Gus and Isaac had spent more time together. It was one night sitting on a bench at the park that fate decided to take a cruel twist. "I feel so guilty, Isaac. You don't know how much I wanted to be done with her, but you can't do that. You can't dump someone who's dying. And it's killing me, because I'm almost relieved that she's gone! It's horrible, I know, but I just can't help it." Gus sat with his head in his hands. Isaac wasn't sure of what to say, but without being able to stop himself, he put his arm around his friend. He knew that Gus probably saw it as a friendly comforting gesture, but it was so much more. Again, without thinking, Isaac leaned down and gently touched his lips to the top of Augustus's head.

And then all he knew was pain.

Isaac screamed and fell to the ground, clutching at his eye. Never in all his life had he felt such agony. He knew that there was cancer in his eyes, but the doctors had not warned them of anything like this. The next hour was a blur of him sobbing on the ground, Gus calling 911, and being on his way to the hospital. When he woke up, there was darkness on one side of his head. He asked the nurses why, and they gave him that pitying look that he had come to hate so much. Finding out his sight was gone on one side of his eye wasn't as devastating as it would seem. At least he wasn't completely sightless. About a week later, Gus came to visit.

It seemed that he had forgotten about that tragic night under the stars. Isaac was thankful for that. He knew that if his eyes hadn't intervened, their friendship would never have been the same. At least now things could go back to normal. And maybe, just maybe, his feeling would be returned in time.

How wrong he was.

A year later, Hazel Grace Lancaster entered the picture. She was Caroline Mathers risen from the dead, except much nicer. It pained him to see the was Gus looked at her. It was like Isaac was invisible. _Two can play that game, _he decided. When he got outside, he was met by Monica, who he immediately engaged in a make-out session. Sneaking glances at his only two friends getting along wonderfully, he reached for Monica's breast, hoping to make them even more uncomfortable. To most people, their friends getting along would be a good thing, but these were his _only_ two friends. Not to mention one was his forbidden crush. If they got on too well, it wouldn't go well for him.

To Isaac's horror, he could hear Gus inviting Hazel over to watch a movie. A pang of jealousy seared through his heart. He decided to ignore it. He deepened the kiss and let everything else go away. Later that day however, he did go over to Gus's house to ask how his little date had gone.

On the day of the breakup, he had gone over to Augustus's house seeking comfort in video games, but of course, he just had to get Hazel involved too. That was really when he snapped, when they started flirting with him in the same room. It was him and his rage, trashing his love's room. Afterwards, he just went home, to leave the two little lovebirds to their own devices. That evening he glumly ate dinner and went to bed. In the morning, he had a text from Gus. **So today's the day, huh. You aren't going to be able to see anymore. It's a shame too, since you won't be able to seem my handsome self. **Isaac knew that Augustus was just making a good natured joke, but it was a whole lot closer to the truth that he liked.

At home a few days after the surgery, he still wouldn't do anything but lie in bed. His whole family was giving him a wide berth. He was thankful for it, because he really needed the time to think. Gus was most likely going to get together with Hazel. It wasn't that he didn't like her. She was pretty cool. Of course he couldn't blame her, because she didn't know about his feelings, no one did. It was still hard not to be angry at her for stealing what seemed like his last chance. As he was about to drift off, a sound from his phone grabbed his attention.

**"Call from Augustus Waters"**

"Ignore call"

**"Call from Augustus Waters ignored"**


	2. Shattered

**hey guys! I'm doing to try to update once a week, though it might vary, because next week are my finals. Ugh. After that though, I'm free for the summer! I will be at camp a few times though, so bear with me! My schedule could change at any moment. I'm not sure how long I want this story to be, but I guess it depends on how many people wish me to continue. Even if I don't get a lot of feedback or support, I'm still going to make it to at least six chapters. If I've got a lot of encouragement by then, I'll continue. Thanks!**

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Of all the things Augustus could have done to hurt Isaac, this was the worst. His best friends were going on a trip to another county and leaving him behind. Gus had talked to him about it and didn't seem to notice how much Isaac was hurting. It didn't help that his eyes were glass and couldn't convey emotion. Inside, he was screaming.

_How could you do this to me? Your friend! I supported you! I care about you! I..._ Isaac would have been crying if he had his eyes. _I love you. _But of course he could never voice those thoughts out loud. So he put on a smile and said, "That's great man! Good luck." That was the last thing he said to Gus before he left for Amsterdam. At least he could make someone happy.

Depressed and hopeless, Isaac didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day. Holed up in his room, he tried to drown out his sorrows in video games. His phone rung once and he snatched it up, thinking it was Augustus. "Hello?"

"Hello sir, would you be interested in-" he hung up. One of the many frustrating things about not having eyes was that he couldn't even read the damn caller ID. At least no one had seen him grab the phone as if it was his last lifeline. They hadn't heard the desperation in his voice. That would have given too much away.

His mother came in later to check on him. He felt so guilty for lying to her. If there was anyone he could open up to, it would be her. Isaac then imagined her recoiling away from him, as if he wasn't her son. No. Of course he couldn't tell her. "Is there anything you need honey?" she asked, her concern clear. He just sighed and shook his head, and she bent down to kiss his forehead before walking away and gently closing the door behind her.

Faking indifference didn't help.

Without his friends, he had nothing. Sure there was his family, but still. Hazel's witty remarks and comforting gestures kept him sane. And Gus... he couldn't imagine life without his sweet, sophisticated crush. It was doing more harm than the cancer ever did.

Issac's parents noticed the change in him. They even suggested a therapist. He shuddered at the idea and quickly assured them that he was fine. He did such a good job of it that even he himself almost forgot that he was dying inside. When he remembered though, all the pain came back in one almost unbearable wave.

It was quite obvious to Isaac that his two friends were going to hook up while on their vacation. And that was it. That was the point where he realized that Augustus Waters was not coming back from that point. He had given Hazel his heart. The ultimate gift that Isaac longed to have. That he never would have a chance to receive. It was his worst fear, that Gus would find a girl to care about. Isaac figured that it would be in his best interests to just let it go. To forget about Gus and try to be happy with a girl.

Still, feelings don't just disappear like that. Besides, who would want to have to babysit his blind ass?

He sat and played Counterinsurgence for a few hours, feeling quite lonely without someone to play it with him. There was Graham, of course, but he had the infuriating habit of foiling the mission to annoy Isaac. That was out of the question. He couldn't even call his friends, as long distance phone calls were expensive and his family had spent most of their money on his stupid surgeries.

He was alone in the world.

Even Hazel was being less attentive. He wasn't trying to be selfish, but it got very distracting when they were always off somewhere together. The two lovebirds were inseparable, and he couldn't do anything about it without revealing how he felt. He was the third wheel. There were no two ways about it. But it wasn't until they returned that he really couldn't stand it anymore.

Augustus's cancer had come back with a vengeance. There was no doubt about it. Death was inevitable. It seemed unbelievable. Strong, courageous Gus, who had fought cancer and won, was going to die. The same disease that had taken his leg was back for the rest of him. The worst part was that Gus hadn't even confided in him, his best friend. He had waited to tell Hazel first, a girl he had only known for a few months.

And that was when Isaac's heart shattered.

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**hello again! I almost forgot to say something. no GAY BASHING. I haven't seen any offensive comments yet, but I will warn you that I have zero tolerance for such behavior. My best friend is lesbisn, and she is one of the most fun people I have ever met. So please, even if you don't agree with the themes of this story, keep all rude comments to yourself. Constructive critisism is welcome, but flaming will not be accepted. I just wanted to make that clear, okay? Okay.**


	3. Shards

**Heyyyyyy all my beloved fans! My finals are absolutely positively one hundred percent officially OVER! It's just me and fanfiction from here on out. I'm going to have a lot more time to work on this story now, so three cheers for that! Rah rah rah! Hahaha...ha. I need friends. No I don't. I much prefer computers to people. At least they have a mute volume button. That would come in handy on people. Thanks to all my followers for supporting my writing, it really means the world to me. If you want, you can follow me on Instagram at SarahKat1234 because I'm having a bet with my friends. I won't go into details, but the point is I need more followers. So if it's not too much trouble, I would love for you to check it out. Thanks! Enjoy the chaper, I made sure to add in a lot of angst. *devilish grin***

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Isaac stumbled into Gus's house, trying to get a feel for where the couch might be. His mother saw him struggling and helped him. He heard Hazel's voice and headed towards her. They talked for a bit about Counerinsurgence until Gus spoke up. "I can still beat your blind ass at video games." he said. Isaac grinned for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I'm pretty sure all asses are blind." Feeling a strange rush of boldness, he reached for Gus's hand and grabbed his thigh by mistake. "I'm taken." Gus joked. Isaac was glad that his sunglasses covered his blush.

"How are your eyes, Isaac?" Hazel asked him.

"They're good. They're not in my head is the only problem." he replied.

"Have you heard from Monica?"

"Nope." he heard Augustus snort in disbelief. Isaac didn't see why they were so upset, there was obviously nothing they could do about it. Why bother dwelling on the things that hurt the most? _Oh don't be so high and_ _mighty, you dwell on __**him**__ too much, and you know it_. said the spiteful part of his mind.

Twenty minutes later, he was being helped from the car and was standing in front of Monica's house. "Is it there?" he asked, still a little doubtful of the plan. What if she was inside? "Yes it is. You ready?" Gus said. Isaac nodded. He felt someone grab his hand and guide it to the eggs. Getting a good grip on one, he threw it. He knew it had been way off. He tried several more times and then after a while heard a solid _thwack_ as the egg connected with the car. Hearing Hazel and Gus yelling in triumph and feeling the sweet revenge made him feel an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time.

Happiness.

He kept throwing eggs until he heard Gus speak. "Hazel Grace, take a picture. I want Isaac to be able to see this when they invent robot eyes." Isaac knew the idea was impossible, but he still tried to turn toward where he thought the camera was and smiled. He heard a door open and a woman speak. "What in God's name is going on here?" Hearing Gus's quick reply made him grin. This was the most fun he had had in a while.

Like all good things, it came to an end much too soon.

The three decided that it would be best to end their revenge after that. Isaac and Gus laughed all the way back to the house while Hazel drove and told them to quiet down so she could focus on the road, but he heard her laugh along with them. _Now with this life_, he thought, _I could live forever_. He knew the moment he thought it that it was not true. This life wouldn't last forever, nothing would. Still, he was determined not to lose his good mood just yet.

Later they all sat around eating chips and playing blind guy video games. In that moment, Isaac could almost forget that the world would someday end. He could forget that everyone had a harmatia, and he and this friends each had one that proved devastating. He could even forget... forget that Augustus Waters, his forbidden love, was dying. And that was what hurt the most.

That he could almost forget those things.

Of course, the world in all its cold dealings never gives you a second of reprieve without a year of heartache. That was just how it worked. You could sugarcoat it all you wanted, but there was no running away from the truth. You will always get hurt in this world. Everyone will endure pains. Some have more to endure than others, and no, it isn't fair. But no one said anything about fairness in the rulebook of life. The only rule is that anything can happen.

Including striking down a young man at the peak of his success in love and happiness.

It hurt, God, it hurt. But Isaac still sat there laughing and joking. Yes, it felt nicer to pretend that all was well. To forget the truth, because the truth was that he was blind, that Hazel had only a few years left to live, that Augustus had even less than that. It pained him to realize that he would outlive his only two real friends. He would outlive the man he had loved for years.

And the shards of Isaac's shattered heart embedded themselves into his soul and broke him.

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**Hi again! Sorry to bother you, but I really would enjoy some more reviews. I mean, 345 views and only a few people have given feedback! We can do better than this. I do appreciate some feedback and suggestions. You can even ask me questions and I'll answer some in the little author's note before each chapter! Of course, constructive criticism is always welcome!**


	4. Glass

**Hello luvs! This chapter takes place a little while after the gas station scene. Gus is much too sick to go anywhere right now, until the Last Good Day. Next chapter will be more about the prefuneral and what happened in the eight days leading up to you know what. Get your tissues ready. I'm cranking up the angst, and much darker themes are definitely coming this way. When life gets unbearable, what can you do?**

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Gus's condition had worsened.

Isaac kept to himself more often these days. Wake, eat, go to Gus's house, come home, eat, sleep. That was his normal routine. Sometimes he would skip the eating. Once while changing, he realized just how painfully thin he really was. Gingerly touching his protruding ribs, he wondered what had happened to the Isaac from before. The young, bright, hopeful boy who had dreams and aspirations. Who believed in life and living. It seemed so long ago that he had been laughing alongside his friends.

He knew that now he could never tell Augustus that he loved him. It was foolish of him to even think of it. The boy was dying, for Christ's sake! He was already going through enough pain. Hazel couldn't know. Isaac imagined the horror on her face when she learned that her friend was in love with her boyfriend. _No_, he thought, _I must keep this to myself. It's the best way._ He knew logic was the most important thing right now. Feelings hurt too much. Still, his heart burned to speak out. To let everyone know the truth.

It was one day at Gus's house that Isaac would look back on and come to truly regret.

He was sitting beside Gus. Hazel had gone downstairs to bring up a movie that they would watch and Isaac would... well, Isaac would listen to. "Isaac," Gus's voice was raspy and came from his left side. "Isaac, listen to me. This is the most important thing I've ever told you. When I die... you have to take care of Hazel. It's going to hurt her a lot, and I can tell it's going to hurt you. You two will keep each other strong, alright? You must keep going. Please, I'm asking you. Promise me." he gripped Isaac's hand tightly. Isaac nodded tearfully and squeezed his hand. His voice cracked when he spoke.

"Always."

For a few minutes they sat there. His heart thrummed inside his chest and in a burst of mad passion an desire, he leaned down and pressed his lips softly to Augustus's forehead. Immediately realizing what he had done, he recoiled in horror, fully expecting that Gus would freak out. Thankfully, he didn't hear anything but Gus's steady breathing. He had fallen asleep. Breathing a sigh of relief, Isaac bent his head and began to sob.

When Hazel walked back upstairs, she didn't question him. She gathered him in an embrace and didn't let go for a long time. Then she stroked Gus's hair and got up to go home. "Tell him I said goodbye." she whispered to Isaac, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy beside them. He heard the door close behind her. Isaac put his head in his hands and just sat there until his phone rang. He ignored the call but figured that it was his parents and decided it was time to go home.

Depressed.

It wasn't a word the old Isaac would ever use to describe himself. But now he acknowledged the fact that he was. Lies and half truth told to his family. Keeping his own desires bottled up. Skipping meals and sleeping in. He only left the house to visit Gus. Even then, he made sure not to come into physical contact with anyone. Not after what happened before. Touching another human being just hurt. Affection from anyone would break him.

_Foolish boy,_ his spiteful mind spat at him, _looking for love in all the wrong places. Pining away for a love you will_ _never receive_. Isaac's heart was constantly at war with his mind. He began to break down slowly as the emotional torment grew worse with each passing day. Finally, he decided enough was enough. It was time to end everything. He would finally be through with all of the heartache and suffering. He made his way to the bathroom and opened up the cabinet. Feeling around for the pill bottles, he took his best guess and picked the one he thought to be the most dangerous. Opening them, he thought about how many he would need. It would end badly if he failed. Taking about ten of each should do it. He lifted the first pill to his mouth.

His hand shook, and he dropped the pill.

Isaac slid down the wall to the floor and cried. He hadn't cried like this in his entire life. Not even when he had let his emotions get the better of him at Gus's house. This was the deluge. The dam breaking. He couldn't end it here. He had promised Gus to stay strong. To get through it, and help Hazel through as well. He would not fail him. Isaac had promised always, and this time that promise would not be broken.

That night as he lay in bed, his phone rang. It was from Gus. "Hello?"

"Hello Isaac. Could you be so kind as to come to the Literal Heart of Jesus at say, eight o'clock? Please prepare a eulogy." Isaac mumbled yes and hung up. He set to work on his computer. He spoke into it and it typed up the letter. When he was done, he asked his mother for a ride and she obliged. What he would do without her, Isaac did not know.

His world was made of glass, and one strong tap could break it to pieces.

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**Angst? Angst. I was in a sullen mood today, so I wrote this. I'm going to be super busy these next few weeks, so I'm not sure if I'm going to get an update in. Ill try my hardest though! Thanks to all who follow, favorite, and review!**


	5. Crossed Stars

**I saw The Fault in our Stars for the second time. Nat Wolff is bae. I can't think of a better person to play Isaac. I mean sure he's not blonde, but still. It's really the acting that counts for everything. I'm adding some very very very dark themes in this chapter. You have been warned.**

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Isaac clung desperately to the podium as he spoke, trying his best to keep his voice from cracking.

"Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart as figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to hold a cigarette than any nonsmoker in history, or because he got seventeen years when he should have gotten more."

Gus spoke up. "Seventeen."

"I'm assuming you've got some time, you interrupting bastard."

Isaac clenched his fists so hard he could feel his nails digging into his palm. _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't you dare cry_. "I'm telling you, Augustus Waters talked so much that he'd interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production. And he was vain: I do not believe I have met a more physically attractive person that was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness." Isaac bit his lip so that he drew blood and forced himself to continue without breaking down.

"But I will say this. When the scientists of the future show up with robot eyes and tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientist to screw off, because I do not want to see a world with Augustus Waters." Trying to distract himself from the sadness of it all, he added the part about girl's shirts. Still, Isaac couldn't hold back his sobs. Finally he asked Hazel to help him back to his seat. He heard her shoes squeak against the floor as she walked up to speak.

Hazel's eulogy was beautiful.

Her true love for Gus was revealed in that moment. Isaac knew that the feelings between them were real and strong and beautiful. The pair was in the most unfortunate of circumstances, but their love was steadfast. And though he knew how horribly cruel and selfish his thoughts were, he couldn't deny it to himself. Isaac envied it. He envied their absolute devotion and faith. Their ability to come together and not break.

What they had was what he had hoped Gus would come to feel for him. Of course there was no chance of that now. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn't just move on. That he couldn't just find someone else that could fill the space in his heart. He needed a distraction at worst, and someone he could actually grow to love at best. His mother picked him up shortly after Hazel finished speaking, and he went to bed without a word. It was the fifth night in a row that he had skipped dinner, and he could tell his parents were starting to worry. If he avoided them, they couldn't question him about it.

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_Isaac could see again._

_He didn't question it, just knew that there was something he had to do, and everything else could wait. He got in the car and drove to Hazel's house and knocked on the door. Her parents didn't answer, but that strange force compelled him again and he tried opening it anyway, and surprisingly it was unlocked. He went inside and walked upstairs to Hazel's room. What he saw there was horrifying. It would stay in his memory for years to come._

_Hazel hung from the ceiling, a rope around her neck. A chair was overturned below her, indicating that she had committed suicide. He collapsed against the wall and slowly sank to the floor, a hand over his mouth to stifle a horrified scream. No no no... not Hazel. Not strong, determined Hazel, who would never abandon the people she loved, especially not like this. He looked over and saw another chair with a noose hanging over it. Slowly he walked over and stepped up onto the chair. He slipped the rope around his neck. This was it. This was what he needed to do. He could be with his friends again. Yes. It was better this way._

_Isaac kicked the chair out from under him..._

And woke up screaming. His parents rushed into the room. He quickly assured them that it was just a bad dream. He was fine, he told them. Just a dream. When they walked out of the room, he had to convince himself of that. Hazel was fine. He was fine. _No_, his mind told him. _You're insane. You need help before you really do kill_ _yourself_. Isaac told that particular part of his mind to shut up. He did not go back to sleep that night.

Three days later, Gus was admitted into the hospital. He had become too sick to stay at home. It broke Isaac's heart, because he knew that this was the end. Any day now, Augustus Waters, his unrequited love, would die. He felt an unexpected emotion now, something he hadn't felt since that fateful day with Monica. He was enraged. The boy he had loved for years was almost dead and there was not a single goddamned thing anyone in the world could do about it.

Indeed, the stars were crossed in the cruelest way possible.

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**I told you it was dark! I'm sorry, I just thought the fear of losing his friends through suicide is a fear the depressed Isaac would have, because he has the fear of losing control and killing himself as well. Not to mention he's becoming slightly suicidal himself, as you saw last chapter. How long can he suppress the urge to end it? Don't worry, next chapter it gets more depressing and hopeless because it's the chapter where Gus dies. *cue sobbing fangirls* After that... well, you'll just have to see, won't you?**


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